I am a flower in bloom. I go through the process as though I am. I have died and come alive so many times already in this life. My spirit is re-birthing itself at the current moment. It is uncomfortable, but it is necessary. I have been attacked by circumstance since birth, tore myself a part because I was ashamed of that, but mostly because I hadn’t identified it to be able to understand it. I want peace forever. Lord knows how I need peace in my life finally… sometimes I wonder if I need peace as much as the world needs it. But then I know there is much more hope for me and in reality it doesn’t compare. I do not like the word term “mentally ill”. I think it should be used selectively and sparingly. My mind does not feel ill. My body and energy sometimes does, however. There are so many temporary fixes to our pain and troubles – a huge range… but I guess the ultimate fix for me, and everyone, would be to be at one with ourselves. To know the highest truths, the most unconditional of love, the least of judgment, so much but mostly to know ourselves, to know the hows and whys… the reasons to love ourselves and understand why we are loved. I had a very young friend who knew she was going to die. She actually wrote it about it. She recognized her struggle and had decided it would be the end of her. She was simply buying on time… but the end of her was not actually the end of her. She was very spiritual; when she would get to expressing it she would always reference a “divine light”. Like me, she broke so many times on this earth. It was always so strange to me how someone as truly troubled as her never doubted that light existed. A light she was constantly visiting herself through meditation and things alike. In all of her mess, she never lost faith or her spirituality. She didn’t steal, cheat or lie like the rest of the “addicts” behavior I was familiar with… she was simply a beautiful person with a very tragic reality. Soon after I found out she died, I spoke to a spiritual healer and the first thing she said at my mention of Jessica, was “Honey your friend has been lifted into the divine.”. I admit it surprised me. She believed until the end and her rebirth happened.

We are blessed to be able to be alive rebirth ourselves. Things are all about faith and positive energy for me now. At the time of her departing from this earth, she had everything I am learning… except for faith. Faith she did not have.  Faith is the most important. Because if I’m being honest I’m not always completely confident I am going to be able to maintain a peaceful and healthy life, mentally and spiritually… but if I lose my faith I lose my sense of purpose. All I can say is don’t doubt yourself, stay lifted fight for yourself and always be on a mission to elevate… Rise in this life. I’ll take my own advice and keep fighting. Change is challenging. Undoing is a struggle. Anger is easy. Disappointment is inevitable. Adjusting is uncomfortable. Crying isn’t done nearly enough…….. tolerance shouldn’t be a thing and all love should be unconditional. Mistakes are repetitive they will keep coming. Shit don’t happen over night. It’s painful AF, but I imagine it’ll be well worth it.

 

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