Parents can be fucked up and they dictate so much of what your relationships in life will be. There isn’t a deeper feeling of emptiness or confusion and it is one of the most justified reasons to be angry. And it’s notWhat’s happened has happened and childhood cannot be re-lived. And even when you un-do the affects they’ve had on your life and your actions aren’t the result of it anymore, there will be some things from what you’ve been through that will never change. What others don’t understand about you will sometimes have much to do with your relationships and non relationships you’ve had with the ones who were never supposed to let you down from the beginning. Only some can understand and relate, so we will always be fragile in unexpected places beneath our strength. To love us you’ll have to care for us enough to dare to touch them. You’ll have to pour love into us. Enter the dark places. You’ll have to love us in a unique way that you’ve probably never loved any others. You cannot forget that even if we have it together externally, we’re not really together internally. Most people will not know and it’s why we need you.For some you’ll have to help us let the pain out, for some you’ll have to help us through anger that is really anguish, but for all you should have patience and compassion… making sure we never feel alone, because in truth, a part of us will be alone forever. You’ll have to hold us in every sense of the word when we’re down. We have to be worth it to you, and the only way you can prove it is through consistency. You’ll have to have faith we are capable and will be better, and we will and can be.
I forgive my parents, because I am compassionate because of what they’ve done to me. I forgive them, because I even pity them a little. I forgive them because I know I have a purpose… my only questions about the hows and whys would be for God. Why I am alone in this world in so many ways. Why I still feel alone when people try and love me. Why any child is alone. Whether they’re grown or not.