“How has it come to this?”

It’s 1:21 AM, well past my new bed time and I’m actually drinking tea (which is something I don’t do, but perhaps should do) so you know your girl is feeling stressed. I know not to be awake past midnight because it throws my internal clock off and kinda messes things up for the following day. If you’re a night owl like me, though, you know the struggle. I know that there a trillion other things to be thinking about, but I am really beginning to dwell on this election. I am not a fan of either parties candidate, so pretty much this whole time I was like fuck them both… but with 30 days left until we found out who our next POTUS is it’s becoming more overwhelmingly real to me and I’m legitimately scared. I’ve said the entire time it would be ideal to see the first woman president follow the first black president, so there’s definitely that, but to endorse a woman who has contributed to the continuous down-fall of my community, not to mention deemed our youth super predators and refuses to address it and/or apologize is highly difficult for me. Being honest though, I cannot fathom the reality that the next president could be as much of a disaster (his word) as Donald Trump is. In this day and age, with race relations that haven’t been this bad since the 60’s and society being in such a fragile state as it is, not to mention on the verge of a race war already I am so disappointed, because the fact that this man has even made it this far speaks volumes to me about the American people. And it just validates all of the anger many Black Americans have towards White America. We are incredibly divided and this is nothing new… but it saddens me and it scares me. There are people willing to vote for a man as horrific as Donald Trump. It scares me that in just shy of a month it is a possibility that this man could be the leader of our “free” world. I really can’t imagine, but nothing surprises me at this point. Even if he doesn’t win, which I say a silent prayer as I say he probably won’t, America has shown it’s ass. It is racist (which we knew), it is bigoted, it is sexist and it lacks values and compassion understanding and willingness to be educated. Without those three things we will never overcome any of what we’ve seen at this point. It saddens me, because no matter how apprehensive I am, I know that I will have children and I know that I will have to worry about them more than most people have to worry about their own children. Raising black children has it’s own set of worries added to the normal fears and anxiety everyone has when having children. It’s hard to believe this will one day be a reality for me. That 5-7 years from now I will hold the responsibility of bringing up conscious children. That they will learn the main thing they have to be conscious of has so much to do with them.  I am fatalistic and I think about these things. If Hillary wins “we” will all breathe a sigh of relief, but not all be thrilled. There will be a sense of pride for the women of the world, and that is understandable, but to me there is no real winner in any of this. I guess the goal is just to hope for the best and try and leave this world better than we found it, yeah? I’m sending up a single prayer, because in the words of Cissy Houston “I give it to God one time, because he is able.” 🙂

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