ever feel like you’re at least a little too strong? like you weren’t meant to endure all you have? ever feel like you’re just a little too resilient? like it’s unfair that you even have to be?
strength is exhausting and i feel like it comes at an unmentioned cost. it can wear at you or it could build an armor that ends up seeming impossible to take off. that armor that serves to protect you so well from getting hurt potentially hurts you the worse, because with it you’re keeping every chance to live as a human being who feels, experiences and endures all of the things human are supposed to in order to live an organic and well lived life. exposure is scary, it’s made me feel emotionally naked and cold almost to the point that it feels physical. the longer and the harder you protect yourself the colder and more bare you feel and it is very uncomfortable. but it’s kind of like a reality check, sometimes you gotta stand out in the cold in order to really get the fucking picture. you’ve got to be vulnerable. it’s like voicing something when you’re afraid to, but you’ve just got to get it even if you’re shaking as you tell it, even if you feel like it’s going to kill you or come with consequence or confrontation you don’t know how or want to deal with. it’s like these things but much stronger and much more serious.
don’t tire your life away being exhausted. be strong. if you’re strong your strong and you can’t change it. and if your strong like i am, you can afford to fuck up your armor a little. and you can afford to lose some strength.
these are the things i tell myself and anyone who can learn from by reading. take my advice with me…. and with you. haha